First of all, I’m so sorry for disappearing on all of you who are as nice as to drop by my blog. Monday the 4th of April my boyfriend came home on leave from the army, making me forget the rest of the world for a little while. Unfortunately, you readers haven’t been the only ones I’ve disappeared on these past weeks.
My family is some of the most important people in my life. I’ve never really been the type that is always out and about with friends and keeping busy. Usually for the past 18 years I’ve simply stayed around the house, somewhat shy of being social, and somewhat "scared” to leave my safe home. Even though I’ve spent the night at friends and such, I’ve also had periods where I would make some excuse to avoid having to spend the night because it simply felt uncomfortable spending the night somewhere else than in my own home. I’ve never been good at being social even though I love people, maybe that is why I prefer spending my weekends with movies and popcorn instead of out at parties with the rest of my friends nowadays…
When I met Paul, he was one of the first people I ever felt like I wanted to hang out with all the time. It was partly because I was in love, but at the same time I couldn’t remember ever having so much fun as I had every single time we hung out. Since he became mine, 1 year – 4 months and 19 days ago, I’ve still laughed my butt off each time I’m with him. He has become one of my best friends ever.
He has now been in the military for about 7 months, and the distance has been hard on both of us. That is why when he comes home on leave my mind sort of goes into a "Paul-mode” and all I want is to spend every second I have with him before he has to go back.
In the meantime my family feels somewhat forgotten. I get unsure of how to create a balance, because I want to spend time with my family – but I know that if Paul is home, all I will do the entire day is miss him and want to see him. At the same time, I do miss my family. I get jealous when I hear that they are taking a trip to f.ex. Sweden to buy tons of new shoes, or when they are having a nice BBQ in the warm spring weather.
I feel confused, but I guess that is a part of growing up –right? Changes are happening and I’ll have to learn how to deal with them in the best way I can. They are coming no matter what.
Have you ever felt as if it is hard to find balance in life?